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1. Working between two monitors
Unless you're in MI5 or head of IT at Intel, you're just showing off, Johnny Two Screens. This also goes for turning your monitor sideways, changing your Word pages blue so that you can type in white and having a special mouse. The ultimate sin? A scroll of green computer code, a la The Matrix, as your screensaver. It's over, you weren't The One.
2. Mild men in rapper cans
Warning, gentlemen: if your suit is an off-the-peg Burton number and you got your watch from a posh Christmas cracker you shouldn't attempt to pull off Beats or any other celebrity-endorsed headphones. It's as silly as putting 40-inch chrome rims on a Ford Mondeo.
3. A Facebook profile picture of a dog/baby
Firstly, it's not you. Secondly, it's not you, idiot! Plus, nobody cares how cute your dog/baby looks in a bee costume and. if we're honest, it's all a little bit creepy.
4. Answering the phone with anything but ""hello"
People who just say their first name very quickly are annoying, anyone who barks their surname even more so, and those who snap. "Yep?!" have delusions of grandeur. Sorry, we can't write our exact opinion on people who answer their phone with a breezy "talk to me", but we're sure you can devise your own fitting insult.
5. Asking stupid/silly questions on social networks
Demanding answers to such life puzzles as, "Anyone know where 1 can buy some batteries?" on Facebook. Twitter or email just makes you look desperate for human contact. You're obviously on a computer or phone if you've asked that way - so use Google instead.
6. Photographs of your dinner
Look. Mr Square Plate, you may think Gregg Wallace would creme anglaise his pants over your artful presentation, but we don't want or need to keep seeing what you're having for dinner on Instagram or Pinterest. You're not the new Michel Roux Jr - scallops and baked beans?! - and you'll never get on MasterChef unless the rules change to replace sous-viding with toasting, boiling and microwaving.
7. Big, chunky iPhone covers
Sir Jonathan Ive studied industrial design at Northumbria University, co-founding a design agency upon graduating, and for the past 20 years has been designing the most gorgeous machines in the world for one of the most powerful global technology companies. Turns out he needn't have bothered, seeing as you've covered your iPhone in a mass of hideous, protective plastic, doubling the weight, width and ugliness quotient in the process.
8. Hijacking a party playlist
It's your tried and trusted iPod "Paaaarty Time!" playlist. you've been using it since 2001; how very dare that bastard take it off the dock. You were only three seconds into Time Warp, and Don't Stop Me Now was next! God, people get so tetchv at wakes.
9. Keypad tones
It's 2012 and most people have now fathomed how mobile phones function, so why do the majority of the population - if folks on trains are anything to go by - still insist on typing out texts with their keypad tones turned on? Also, why are they always sitting next to you? It's the tech equivalent of eating a stinking Burger King meal on the train, whilst prodding you repeatedly in the side of the head.
10. Having your mobile phone in a gun holster
You know who you are. Still waiting for Riggs to call you back for one last adventure. Murtagh? Repeat after us: you're too old for this sh*t.
Unless you're in MI5 or head of IT at Intel, you're just showing off, Johnny Two Screens. This also goes for turning your monitor sideways, changing your Word pages blue so that you can type in white and having a special mouse. The ultimate sin? A scroll of green computer code, a la The Matrix, as your screensaver. It's over, you weren't The One.
2. Mild men in rapper cans
Warning, gentlemen: if your suit is an off-the-peg Burton number and you got your watch from a posh Christmas cracker you shouldn't attempt to pull off Beats or any other celebrity-endorsed headphones. It's as silly as putting 40-inch chrome rims on a Ford Mondeo.
3. A Facebook profile picture of a dog/baby
Firstly, it's not you. Secondly, it's not you, idiot! Plus, nobody cares how cute your dog/baby looks in a bee costume and. if we're honest, it's all a little bit creepy.
4. Answering the phone with anything but ""hello"
People who just say their first name very quickly are annoying, anyone who barks their surname even more so, and those who snap. "Yep?!" have delusions of grandeur. Sorry, we can't write our exact opinion on people who answer their phone with a breezy "talk to me", but we're sure you can devise your own fitting insult.
5. Asking stupid/silly questions on social networks
Demanding answers to such life puzzles as, "Anyone know where 1 can buy some batteries?" on Facebook. Twitter or email just makes you look desperate for human contact. You're obviously on a computer or phone if you've asked that way - so use Google instead.
6. Photographs of your dinner
Look. Mr Square Plate, you may think Gregg Wallace would creme anglaise his pants over your artful presentation, but we don't want or need to keep seeing what you're having for dinner on Instagram or Pinterest. You're not the new Michel Roux Jr - scallops and baked beans?! - and you'll never get on MasterChef unless the rules change to replace sous-viding with toasting, boiling and microwaving.
7. Big, chunky iPhone covers
Sir Jonathan Ive studied industrial design at Northumbria University, co-founding a design agency upon graduating, and for the past 20 years has been designing the most gorgeous machines in the world for one of the most powerful global technology companies. Turns out he needn't have bothered, seeing as you've covered your iPhone in a mass of hideous, protective plastic, doubling the weight, width and ugliness quotient in the process.
8. Hijacking a party playlist
It's your tried and trusted iPod "Paaaarty Time!" playlist. you've been using it since 2001; how very dare that bastard take it off the dock. You were only three seconds into Time Warp, and Don't Stop Me Now was next! God, people get so tetchv at wakes.
9. Keypad tones
It's 2012 and most people have now fathomed how mobile phones function, so why do the majority of the population - if folks on trains are anything to go by - still insist on typing out texts with their keypad tones turned on? Also, why are they always sitting next to you? It's the tech equivalent of eating a stinking Burger King meal on the train, whilst prodding you repeatedly in the side of the head.
10. Having your mobile phone in a gun holster
You know who you are. Still waiting for Riggs to call you back for one last adventure. Murtagh? Repeat after us: you're too old for this sh*t.
2 comments:
7. Big, chunky iPhone covers
line 3....companies wrtten 2 times....
agree with ur psychological opinion of yep!!(phone answering style)
highly disagree with people asking for other people's opinion on which cellphone to buy and where from....google will only tell u physical destination bt on Fb or any other public media frnds give their personal opnion nd who knws they might knw somebody who'll get them heavy concession from a relative etc. google can't provide this
@Sonakshi : Thank you for reporting the error :)
They can use forums for opinion on which cellphone to buy and where, there they will get the answers from the Experts and they can use google to select the right product as per their needs by looking into the specifications.
Generally, friends praise the product they use and everyone has their different needs.
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